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 A Simple Guide To Setting Boundaries
Motivational

A Simple Guide To Setting Boundaries

by Grace Ifon 01/04/2022 56 Comments

Setting boundaries

What are Boundaries?

A boundary is an imaginary line that separates me from you. It separates your personal space, your feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others.

It also tells other people how they can treat you – what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Without it, people may take advantage of you because you haven’t set limits about how you expect to be treated.  

What does setting boundaries mean?

It means a lot of things. Simply put, it’s creating a space for yourself physically, emotionally, and psychologically that feels safe and open and then deciding what is allowed and not allowed in those spaces and not letting anything other than that into your space.

It means saying no, putting your own self-care first, and not allowing behaviors from yourself or other people that make you uncomfortable.

People will always try to push them because there are so many people out there who lack the concept of boundaries.

Research shows that people with less effective boundaries are more likely to violate the boundaries of others.

Why is setting boundaries important?

emotional energy

It is very important because having them in place allows us to communicate our needs and desires clearly and succinctly without fear of repercussions.

It is also used to set personal limits so that others don’t take advantage of us or are allowed to hurt us. It is a way for us to practice self-respect.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom

~Henry Cloud

Reasons Why you should set certain boundaries

Creating boundaries are good for your mental health. There are different boundaries; emotional boundaries, physical boundaries, etc. However, the goal is to create healthy boundaries in life.

Why should you set your own boundaries?

  • Boundaries permit you to be your actual self: It creates a separateness that permits you to have your very personal feelings, make your very personal decisions, and apprehend and ask for what you choose except wanting to please others.
  • Boundaries are a shape of self-care: Healthy emotional boundaries suggest you charge your own feelings and desires, and you’re no longer to blame for how others trip or behave. Boundaries allow you to let go of disturbing about how others experience and locations accountability squarely with the individual. Boundaries additionally maintain you from overextending yourself. In this life, You can’t take on every project, work each shift, or be on every committee you’re requested to join. Boundaries suggest announcing “no” to things that don’t align with your priorities.
  • Boundaries create smart expectations: Whether with a friend, spouse, neighbor, or boss, relationships are nice when we apprehend what’s expected. When you virtually talk your boundaries, human beings should be conscious of how they’re predicted to behave. Setting expectations is key, and when expectations aren’t communicated and met, resentment and anger grow; especially in intimate relationships.
  • Boundaries create safety: It furnishes bodily and emotional security by protecting what feels uncomfortable or hurtful, and it creates healthy relationships.

Some people don’t even know how to create healthy boundaries and people end up taking advantage of that. Once upon a time, creating one was a challenge for me. When I started setting boundaries, I didn’t have a good boundary. My boundaries weren’t rigid, they were flexible boundaries.

Saying No was a problem for me, I just couldn’t say No and not feel guilty/ feel uncomfortable. I didn’t focus on my own needs, I always inconvenienced myself for others.

One day my friend came to ask me for something but I didn’t have enough to give her. I said No and she kept asking, but I insisted that I won’t give it to her, and she left. I just sat on my bed feeling guilty about it so I decided to give it to her. I went to her room and gave it to her and she said “I knew you would give me”

I asked “how did you know” and she said “Isn’t it Grace?, I knew if I just kept asking, you would give it to me sooner or later” at that moment I decided that I would set rigid boundaries.

How to set healthy boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries shouldn’t be something that’s complicated. Not to mention, if you ask a mental health professional they’ll tell you a healthy relationship contributes to a healthy life.

This is a simple guide on how to establish healthy boundaries.

setting emotional boundaries
  • Express gratitude when others set boundaries: People who have trouble placing boundaries typically have complications in responding to boundaries set by others. Before I began placing my personal boundaries, I frequently felt dismissed, angry, or rejected when pals or enthusiasts put limits on our interactions. As I began to apprehend that human beings set boundaries to defend their very, very own well-being, I deliberately cultivated a mindset of gratitude through responding to others with “I price your honesty” or “I understand you sharing that with me”—even if the boundary used to be challenging to hear.
  • Practice saying “NO” without giving a reason. It’s well-known to experience like you desire to give an explanation for your boundaries to others. But you don’t—and now and again, the simplest, most trustworthy response is “No, thanks.” Practice asserting “No, thanks” and nothing more. Start small; say “No, thanks” when your friends ask if you want to go out, but you are too busy, or “No, thanks” to the individual who needs to purchase a drink at the cafeteria.
Setting Boundaries
  • Craft a VIP-Only list. Without an apparent experience of your very, very own boundaries, you may often overshare personal information. Though truth-telling is a high-quality exercise, sharing too a complete lot too rapidly can make others’ experience uneasy and might also leave you feeling uncomfortably overexposed. Create a list of touchy subjects that you will only talk about with trustworthy human beings such as family members, loved ones, intimate partners, and people with the same personal values as you, who make you feel secure and seen. Using this record as a guiding precept will assist you in increasing your experience of self-trust as you hold your privateness and construct a neighborhood of dependable confidants.
  • Let other people know how you feel. Have you ever conversed with someone, and the person brought up something you didn’t like, and you didn’t want to talk about it, but you didn’t know how to tell the person that you didn’t want to talk about that thing, so you pressured your self to talk about it anyway? Challenging emotions like overwhelm, anger, and frustration can be beneficial guideposts as you find when, where, and with whom to set boundaries. These feelings sign that others would maybe be impinging on your personal time or space. Developing literacy with your very personal feelings allows you to set impactful boundaries in the future. Instead of pushing the feelings away, ask yourself, “What am I feeling? Why am I feeling this way? What would desire to change for me to experience safer?”
  • Stay away from toxic friendships: Perhaps you have a buddy who always makes use of you as a sounding board for his or her dilemmas or asks for favors alternatively through no capacity offers in return. Perhaps you have a buddy whose personal struggles impose on your private feel of well-being. One of the most difficult and worthwhile boundary insertings is to walk away from the relationships that no longer serve you. Don’t spend time with toxic friends. If you have a one-sided friendship that leaves you feeling unseen, unheard, or disrespected, unravel to take a spoil from that relationship. And remember: It is no longer selfish or merciless to put your very own well-being first. Healthy friendships are reciprocal and together nourishing, no longer one-sided and depleting.
setting limits
  • Designate a cheerleader: Throughout my boundary-setting process, I benefited immensely through sharing my successes with a high-quality friend who cheered me on at each and every turn. She bore witness to my trip and helped me amend my growth when I used to be feeling self-critical. Set yourself up for success with the helpful resource of designating a cherished friend, household member, or partner to be your boundary cheerleader. Explain your intention to set higher boundaries and your choice of a supportive buddy for the period of the process. When you set a new boundary, let your cheerleader know, and carve out the space—in person, over the phone, or with a high-five emoji—for the two of you to have a suitable time for your success.

Boundaries are equipment that permits us to feel safe, strong, and empowered in our relationships. Establishing boundaries improves mental health, mental well-being, self-awareness, and self-esteem and betters our relationship with others in life.

After going through this post, undergo a process of self-reflection to know if your boundaries are in the right direction. If not, this post will help you to create better boundaries. Both on social media, physically and otherwise.

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Grace Ifon (Website)

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Grace Smart Ifon is a Nigerian entrepreneur, female empowerment champion that prides herself on providing dynamic content and quality financial education.

56 Comments

    Avatar of Paul
  • Paul says:
    16/04/2022 at 12:56 pm

    On a journey to set better boundaries

    Reply
  • Avatar of Favor
  • Favor says:
    16/04/2022 at 12:56 pm

    Very insightful

    Reply
  • Avatar of Josephine
  • Josephine says:
    17/04/2022 at 10:31 am

    Commendable work once again

    Reply
  • Avatar of Stephanie
  • Stephanie says:
    28/05/2022 at 12:12 pm

    Thanks.. I really needed this

    Reply
  • Avatar of Dorothy
  • Dorothy says:
    10/06/2022 at 2:59 pm

    I really love my space and set boundaries. this article gave me some sort of backup. Thank you

    Reply
      Avatar of Peace
    • Peace says:
      14/06/2022 at 11:03 am

      Awwwn..me too

      Reply
    • Avatar of Ife
    • Ife says:
      16/06/2022 at 4:25 pm

      True I love my space too

      Reply
        Avatar of Victoria Udoh
      • Victoria Udoh says:
        23/06/2022 at 9:52 pm

        I love my boundaries too , it helps me build healthy relationships….

        Reply
    • Avatar of Adara
    • Adara says:
      22/06/2022 at 11:39 pm

      Thanksss so much🙏

      Reply
    • Avatar of Bennet
    • Bennet says:
      23/06/2022 at 9:57 pm

      I can relate. Boundaries are always important to me as well.

      Reply
    • Avatar of Ishamali Isika
    • Ishamali Isika says:
      23/06/2022 at 10:37 pm

      Yeah, you should do that…

      Reply
    • Avatar of Celestine
    • Celestine says:
      23/06/2022 at 11:30 pm

      Boundaries are important.

      Reply
    • Avatar of Jerry
    • Jerry says:
      25/06/2022 at 4:30 pm

      Nice one

      Reply
    • Avatar of Marylyn
    • Marylyn says:
      27/06/2022 at 10:04 am

      Very interesting 🤔

      Reply
  • Avatar of Thelma
  • Thelma says:
    10/06/2022 at 6:26 pm

    ‘Boundaries define us’
    Agreed

    Reply
      Avatar of Shalom
    • Shalom says:
      16/06/2022 at 4:34 pm

      Set boundaries for yourself before you can set for people around you

      Reply
    • Avatar of Titi
    • Titi says:
      19/06/2022 at 2:09 pm

      Boundaries define us
      There’s no difference between me and you if nothing defines me

      Reply
    • Avatar of Folu
    • Folu says:
      27/06/2022 at 1:58 pm

      The importance of boundaries cannot be over stressed

      Reply
    • Avatar of Hudo
    • Hudo says:
      27/06/2022 at 2:29 pm

      Very well said/ written!

      Reply
    • Avatar of Deborah
    • Deborah says:
      27/06/2022 at 3:47 pm

      Daily dose of motivation

      Reply
    • Avatar of Theresa
    • Theresa says:
      30/06/2022 at 10:04 am

      Very nice post

      Reply
    • Avatar of Tira
    • Tira says:
      30/06/2022 at 6:17 pm

      Also respect others boundaries

      Reply
    • Avatar of Mary
    • Mary says:
      30/06/2022 at 6:35 pm

      Know your boundaries

      Reply
    • Avatar of Jemimah
    • Jemimah says:
      01/07/2022 at 1:40 pm

      Don’t cross boundaries!!

      Reply
    • Avatar of Ziza
    • Ziza says:
      08/07/2022 at 3:02 pm

      A very good one

      Reply
    • Avatar of Mavis
    • Mavis says:
      08/07/2022 at 10:48 pm

      Very nice

      Reply
    • Avatar of Crimson
    • Crimson says:
      08/07/2022 at 11:14 pm

      Remember to take small steps

      Reply
  • Avatar of Adedoyin Ariyo
  • Adedoyin Ariyo says:
    10/06/2022 at 8:42 pm

    We need good boundaries in life

    Reply
      Avatar of Ifunanya
    • Ifunanya says:
      10/06/2022 at 9:34 pm

      yes we do

      Reply
    • Avatar of Gabriella Ola-Thomas
    • Gabriella Ola-Thomas says:
      14/06/2022 at 1:20 pm

      i love boundaries

      Reply
  • Avatar of Adedoyin Ariyo
  • Adedoyin Ariyo says:
    10/06/2022 at 8:44 pm

    Boundaries is good

    Reply
      Avatar of Ifunanya
    • Ifunanya says:
      10/06/2022 at 9:33 pm

      Definitely

      Reply
    • Avatar of Seye
    • Seye says:
      10/06/2022 at 10:53 pm

      I really need boundaries

      Reply
    • Avatar of Taiwo
    • Taiwo says:
      14/06/2022 at 2:45 pm

      Don’t cross my boundaries

      Reply
  • Avatar of NATASHA attoh
  • NATASHA attoh says:
    10/06/2022 at 10:24 pm

    GOOD

    Reply
  • Avatar of Ibiwoye Love
  • Ibiwoye Love says:
    12/06/2022 at 8:14 am

    I need to practice how to say NO without giving reasons

    Reply
      Avatar of AYO
    • AYO says:
      14/06/2022 at 6:14 pm

      YEAH I ALSO FIND IT HARD TO SAY NO WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY

      Reply
    • Avatar of Victor
    • Victor says:
      16/06/2022 at 12:34 pm

      Me toooo

      Reply
    • Avatar of SPLE
    • SPLE says:
      17/06/2022 at 12:29 pm

      I will put my own self care first!!

      Reply
    • Avatar of ASHEPE
    • ASHEPE says:
      18/06/2022 at 9:26 pm

      Don’t we all

      Reply
    • Avatar of
    • Anonymous says:
      19/06/2022 at 5:37 am

      Me too

      Reply
  • Avatar of ASHEPE
  • ASHEPE says:
    18/06/2022 at 9:25 pm

    Learn to set boundaries if not others will cross it without knowing!

    Reply
      Avatar of
    • Anonymous says:
      18/06/2022 at 10:04 pm

      Yh I agree

      Reply
    • Avatar of Tishe
    • Tishe says:
      21/06/2022 at 7:42 pm

      So true

      Reply
    • Avatar of Fadayo
    • Fadayo says:
      22/06/2022 at 12:32 pm

      Many need to know this

      Reply
    • Avatar of KIKE
    • KIKE says:
      09/07/2022 at 12:17 am

      Honestly!!!

      Reply
    • Avatar of TAMILORE
    • TAMILORE says:
      09/07/2022 at 12:32 am

      Tell them!!!

      Reply
    • Avatar of JOHNSON
    • JOHNSON says:
      09/07/2022 at 12:48 am

      Your not anyone’s play thing!

      Reply
    • Avatar of IFE
    • IFE says:
      09/07/2022 at 12:59 am

      Please do. This word is becoming something else

      Reply
    • Avatar of Olamipo
    • Olamipo says:
      09/07/2022 at 1:11 am

      Learn to say no!

      Reply
    • Avatar of Idara
    • Idara says:
      09/07/2022 at 1:21 am

      Especially in this country

      Reply
    • Avatar of ALUKA
    • ALUKA says:
      09/07/2022 at 1:32 am

      Don’t keep unnecessary friendships

      Reply
    • Avatar of MUNA
    • MUNA says:
      09/07/2022 at 1:42 am

      This is actually a very sensitive topic. Set your boundaries before it is too late

      Reply
    • Avatar of EBERE
    • EBERE says:
      09/07/2022 at 1:54 am

      Don’t keep quiet

      Reply
    • Avatar of
    • Anonymous says:
      09/07/2022 at 2:22 am

      Set it before they begin to cross it!

      Reply
  • Avatar of ALUKA
  • ALUKA says:
    09/07/2022 at 1:30 am

    Get rid of toxic friends

    Reply

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